If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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