youre lurking in front of me
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
