the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
