You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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