Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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