hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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