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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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