WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
