I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
