I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
