chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i would one night stand the shit outta him
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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