I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
