You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
