Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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