It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
