called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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