I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
