Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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