Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
