I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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