i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
