The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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