Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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