K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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