i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My penis needs a shock collar
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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