You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
