what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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