I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
