I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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