maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
