Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
