Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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