what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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