how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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