I just cut my nipple shaving
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
