Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
