I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
