my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
