coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
