I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
