Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
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