There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
and she was petting her beer can
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
