i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
