She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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