he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
