I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
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It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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