i need an iv and a liver transplant
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
