Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
