Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
