Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
