Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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