I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
