Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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