i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
