Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
