Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
there is puke in my bra ... again
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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