no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
