Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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