His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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