Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
