she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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