Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
