Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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