i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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