She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
