that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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