OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
