the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
