Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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