I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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