i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
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