Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
