Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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