he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
