look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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