But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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